That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
