i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
