I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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