My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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