I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
