he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
