You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
