That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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