Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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