i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
