College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
