I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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