That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
