Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
