Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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