i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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