im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
