i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
