pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
