I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
