420 ftw
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
