I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
