So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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