two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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