First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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