that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
