Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
