Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
