I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
