Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
