im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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