i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
