i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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