I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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