So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
