We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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