This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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