Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
