Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
