Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
