My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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