1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
love makes seman taste better
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How does it feel to date your dad?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
