dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
