I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
