i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
