i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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