it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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