oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
