i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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