I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
