Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
