If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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